DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
