I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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