I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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