don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
