i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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