Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
