He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
