Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
