I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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