i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
