Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
