YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
