Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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