what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
