i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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