omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
