I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
