Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
