I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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