Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
