He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
