Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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