You work out of a Hotel?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
