Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
