God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
