i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
