I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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