What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have already put on my inside pants.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
