Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
