Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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