Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
