but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
