i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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