Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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