What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
