Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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