please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
