I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
