I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
