You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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