I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
