Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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