I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
