can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
