there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
