i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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