If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
