My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
