Welp...herpes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
