I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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