This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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