I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
